Fairly recently, someone representing an international swing dance community organization asked “how do you change your mnindset when you’re dealing with these sh*t things?” after they were subjected to a local organization using their assets for commercial purposes. And back in 2020, we were asked “how do you cope with dealing with that so often” regarding an out-of-state swing organization discovering that a fellow local swing organization was using their group’s photos.

You see, Swingin’ Denver is well known for having a very popular asset used worldwide without compensation or attribution. Fortunately, for years now people will share with us or comment when they suspect our imagery is being used without permission. Locally, we’ve had a few local organizations use our assets for their gain from 2014-2023. It wears on you over such a long period of time. And that doesn’t get into people misusing your time and talent, so how do I practice coping?

Focus on the people and organizations that spark joy.
Have firm boundaries and a willingness to communicate them. i.e. - “Please remove the images you don’t own from your website,” “While I appreciate the opportunity, it is too much of a time commitment and I'm going to pass,” or “If you’re going to go outside our agreed upon scope of work, you’ll need to pay me more.”
Stick to the issues at hand. The three most recent instances where I had to ask local organizers to stop using our assets, people within the organizations gave pushback and were argumentative with ad hominem and red herring attacks. Ignore these and stick to the facts - their wrongful usage of your assets.
Release your “heavy load.” You need to take care of your mental wellbeing, so typically I have to “let go” after “resolving” the situation. I’ll make note, both written and mental, to protect myself in the future while understanding that some people and organizations will not change. Sometimes you can release the heavy load by walking away like when an organizer threatened to hire someone else when we refused to do an on-air segment because A) it didn’t compensate us and B) was for an event we weren’t involved in.
Offer an in-person meeting at a neutral place. I sometimes offer this opportunity to better understand why this person practiced harming my business in the hopes of resolving issues between us and developing a better path forward.
Deeply listen. In “The Power of Attachment,” the first skill listed in practicing secure attachment is Listen Deeply. “When we listen deeply, reflect back to the other person, and ask questions that help us understand them, we allow the other person to inform us of what’s going on with them - not in a superficial way, but in a manner that empowers them to really dive in, feel their feelings, and express them to us until we truly get them.” This is important for #4 and we also note when people don’t listen deeply when we express our concerns and boundaries. Different kinds of abuses have been discounted due to people being dismissive, protecting the status quo, valuing community above the individual and being fearful of discomfort.
Be vigilant (within reason). I have found that it’s easier to deal with asset misuse sooner than later, so I periodically check on repeat offenders. Most recently, I’ve been able to call them out within 24-48 hours of them misappropriating one of our assets. It saves me some mental space, but this isn’t for everyone.
Accept that change must come from within and may never happen. Last fall, I was asked by an invested third-party to sit down with two offenders who have occupied much of our time over the years. I ultimately declined and this is a valuable excerpt to share - “Asking me to be the ‘key to them owning up to the harm they’ve done’ is a burden I’m going to decline. I reject continuing a community culture that enables bad actors and institutions. My time to educate, support, and labor for [these two] has passed. They have had ample time to grow, reflect, change their behavior, and come forward. Yet their patterns of misbehavior and lack of care persist.” Months later, the two offenders sadly proved my decision to be the correct one.
Surround yourself with good people and live well. Throughout all the badness I've had to deal with, I've always surrounded myself with good people that support me and allow me to speak to them while they offer good advice and thoughts. Sometimes the best thing you can also do for yourself is to live well and continue offering good to the community.